Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
