i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Two words: nipple clamps
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