It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!