i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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