So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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