Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
