Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
