Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize