Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize