He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
