im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
