Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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