I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
