I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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