remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
