There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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