I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
