he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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