Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
