That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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