There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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