grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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