You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
