my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
3pm strippers are depressing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
