So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
