just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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