well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
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My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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