I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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