i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
