anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
