is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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