What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
