Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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