Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him

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  (434): he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him http://tfl.nu/rnup
  Replies (63) Good night (1416) Bad night (3663)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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  (941): I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is" http://tfl.nu/uvfs
  Replies (13) Good night (5107) Bad night (693)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better

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  (513): Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better http://tfl.nu/bqq0
  Replies (7) Good night (767) Bad night (4366)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

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  (425): there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room.. http://tfl.nu/dpny
  Replies (17) Good night (5724) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.

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  (734): Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested. http://tfl.nu/xcij
  Replies (35) Good night (5375) Bad night (2011)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT

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  (314): WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT http://tfl.nu/lhuy
  Replies (3) Good night (2327) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.

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  (416): Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it. http://tfl.nu/d7me
  Replies (13) Good night (1008) Bad night (3801)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.

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  (404): It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated. http://tfl.nu/7ila
  Replies (6) Good night (2935) Bad night (641)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl

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  (662): The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/s3lv
  Replies (7) Good night (3004) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  don't cry, we can learn from her

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  (248): the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness (1-248): don't cry, we can learn from her http://tfl.nu/jqhb
  Replies (2) Good night (1644) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!

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  (585): You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura! http://tfl.nu/nzmy
  Replies (15) Good night (2750) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.

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  (785): I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves. http://tfl.nu/0ncq
  Replies (1) Good night (420) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.

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  (712): She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/1zjd
  Replies (5) Good night (842) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.

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  (570): Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid. http://tfl.nu/yx4k
  Replies (1) Good night (639) Bad night (132)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.

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  (480): I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it. http://tfl.nu/0k0k
  Replies (8) Good night (838) Bad night (219)

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