she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.