Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail