did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.