Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.

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(917): Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard. http://tfl.nu/xsvt

Replies (23) Good night (2951) Bad night (891)
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(647): View more from Ontario

on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..

(1-647): View more from Ontario

who won?

(647): View more from Ontario

THAT is your concern right now?

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(647): on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest.. (1-647): who won? (647): THAT is your concern right now? http://tfl.nu/f9cv

Replies (14) Good night (4852) Bad night (870)
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(925): View more from California

It smells like ranch

(925): View more from California

Must be all the white people

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(925): It smells like ranch (925): Must be all the white people http://tfl.nu/51vw

Replies (52) Good night (5666) Bad night (2075)
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(801): View more from Utah

Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes

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(801): Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes http://tfl.nu/lgb8

Replies (4) Good night (4162) Bad night (1038)
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(970): View more from Colorado

i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.

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(970): i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail. http://tfl.nu/p81z

Replies (5) Good night (4799) Bad night (1068)
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(810): View more from Michigan

Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.

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(810): Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow. http://tfl.nu/g382

Replies (8) Good night (2839) Bad night (1804)
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(845): View more from New York

This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.

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(845): This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink. http://tfl.nu/qaqf

Replies (5) Good night (2515) Bad night (879)
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(909): View more from California

I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..

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(909): I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise.. http://tfl.nu/c4kh

Replies (12) Good night (2322) Bad night (1146)
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(641): View more from Iowa

As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...

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(641): As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long... http://tfl.nu/8iqc

Replies (4) Good night (526) Bad night (1486)
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(317): View more from Indiana

SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.

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(317): SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON. http://tfl.nu/7e01

Replies (3) Good night (1089) Bad night (471)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.

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(503): Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home. http://tfl.nu/577r

Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (843)
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(+65): View more from

My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood

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(+65): My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood http://tfl.nu/m0vo

Replies (5) Good night (620) Bad night (324)
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(315): View more from New York

not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.

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(315): not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/mw0m

Replies (10) Good night (1171) Bad night (385)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.

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(570): Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid. http://tfl.nu/yx4k

Replies (1) Good night (867) Bad night (328)
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(613): View more from Ontario

What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?

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(613): What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with? http://tfl.nu/ukrn

Replies (4) Good night (642) Bad night (215)

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