Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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