I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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