I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We have started to decorate penises.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
