You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
