This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
