WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
