I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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