Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
