my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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