brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
