he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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