Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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