to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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