i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
