I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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