Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
