I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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