every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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