you guys were way drunker than both of me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
