I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
