so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
