Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
