I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
