Will you blow on my dice?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize