I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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