Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
